Reflections of a Father

By Carl NicholsFather's play such an important role

As a dad and a pastor, I have noticed that Father’s Day is a constant reminder of the daunting task we have as men.  During creation, God established man as the cultivator of everything here on earth. Here are just a few examples:

  • Genesis 1:28 – God tells man to be fruitful, multiply, and rule over all of his creation.
  • Genesis 2:4-5 – We see that until man was created by God there was no one to “cultivate” the soil.
  • Genesis 2:15 – God commands man to care for the Garden of Eden.
  • Genesis 3:17-19 – After the fall of man, a part of the curse was that man would not only cultivate the earth, but the labor would be extensive and exhausting.

So how do we balance all that comes our way in life? How do we manage everything that needs managing? Here are a few things that I shared with our church on Father’s Day as priorities for men to cultivate.

Cultivate Your Life

1 Corinthians 13:11  says

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

The most important thing for a father/man/pastor to do is to ensure that they are growing personally in their own walk with God and as leaders in the kingdom. Several ways that I have found helpful in this are through a year long reading plan. I read at least two books per month in addition to my bible reading plan. Additionally I listen to a couple dozen podcast each month either while driving or falling asleep at night. Lastly, I rest, and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it. If you are a single man, put down the video games, grow in Jesus, and cultivate your life now in preparation for your future wife and kids.

Cultivate Your Marriage

Ephesians 5:25-28 says

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 

If you are married, your first responsibility next to God is your wife. Marriage is fun, but it is something that you must work at and ultimately lay down your life for. It will not grow unless it is intentionally cultivated. It took nearly ten years for Julie and I to finally find the rhythm that worked for our marriage. Three key things that this includes for us are date nights with no distractions, weekends away, and an annual vacation without the kids.

Cultivate Your Children

Ephesians 6:4 says:

4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

As a father, I cannot cultivate or “bring my children” up in the “training and instruction of the Lord” by accident. Additionally, I only have a short amount of time before they are on their own. With this in mind we make the following things a priority:

  • We home-school our children
  • I am home everyday by 5:00PM – When meetings are essential, they are planned well in advance
  • I have a full day off every week for my wife and kids
  • We take an annual vacation with our children
  • My family travels with me much of the time

We by no means have found the perfect system, but I do believe these three things are absolutely essential for men and husbands to figure out.

What are some things you have found effective when balancing your life?  Click on ‘Leave A Comment’ at the top of this article and let us know!

To Stay or Not to Stay-That is the Question

By Clint Cookit is sometimes hard for a pastor to stay at their current church

I recently spoke with a minister from one of our rural churches.  He determined, after much prayer and debate within the church, to call for a vote on whether or not he should remain as pastor.  The final tally was split 50/50, and he decided to resign.

My heart ached for him as he shared with me his heavy heart and the struggle he was going through- not wanting to leave, but believing there was no other choice, given that he had not received enough support to stay.  If you are struggling with this decision, I encourage you to also read this recent Messenger article that walks through some important factors to consider.

Over my 29 years in ministry, I have watched pastors face this dilemma time and time again.  I give the same piece of advice to every pastor I talk to about this gut-wrenching decision: Stay, if possible.  I believe my advice echoes that of the Apostle Paul to Titus, “This is why I left you in Crete…” (Titus 1:5)  Paul encouraged Titus to “stay put” and continue the ministry where he was called.

My advice comes from a pastor who has ministered to the same church for 29 years.  Staying in one church for the long haul has many benefits for the church as well as the pastor.

1.  The first benefit is spiritual growth within the church membership.  A church and pastor may not agree on everything that the pastor leads a church to do.  There will be differences of opinion.  However, staying put leads to congregations and pastors who learn to work through their differences without someone necessarily leaving.  Some pastors will need to leave in the midst of a conflict; likewise, some church members need to leave as well.  But churches can become more like Christ, exhibiting forgiveness, grace, and perseverance, when they learn to work through their differences.

2.  Long-term pastors also have more time to build relationships in the community and lead the congregation to do the same, which can impact many more lives for Christ.  This is an important reason for a pastor to stay.  Long pastoral tenures enable a pastor to lead the church in being a lighthouse and spiritual resource in the community, impacting multiple generations.  In other words, a stable church points to an unchanging God upon which families should build their foundations.

3.  When a pastor stays in a church for a long time, he must continually go deeper into the study of the Bible in order to lead his congregation in spiritual maturity.  Preaching for 29 years in one church, with three Sunday morning services and countless small group Bible studies over the years, I cannot afford to get lazy or stuck in a rut.  It is my responsibility to spiritually feed my congregation, so I am always looking deeper into God’s Word for His message.  Not only do I have to intentionally set aside time to study the Word, but I must learn different methods and styles of delivering that message to stay relevant with our culture.  As I look to the future for the Real Life congregation, if God would permit it, this could be a ministry of 45 years or more.  I believe this is only possible, however, if I give even more time to His Word.

While it is not always possible, or healthy, for a pastor to stay at his current church, the benefits of a long-term pastorate affect the pastor, the congregation, and the community, and should always be considered when faced with tough situations.

 

No Brown M&M’s

By Franklin R. Dumond

When Van Halen’s rock concerts expanded to new markets, Article 126 was added to their production contract. This obscure instruction was buried among all the details of weight limits, rigging points and door widths required to bring in, set up and operate the several truckloads of equipment and staging used in the concert.

m and msArticle 126 seemed odd, even unnecessary. It simply required that backstage should be equipped with a bowl of M&M candies. The stipulation continued that all brown M&M’s be removed. Even a single brown M&M could result in forfeiture of the show with full compensation paid to the band by the promoters.

At least one concert was cancelled when brown M&M’s were discovered. The appearance of a brown piece of candy indicated to the band that other contract requirements had probably not been followed. At the cancelled concert, local promoters had not only allowed brown candy, but had also failed to read the weight requirements for staging and equipment. If the concert had not been cancelled the arena’s stage would have collapsed under the weight of the equipment needed for the production. (See Crazy from the Heat by David Lee Roth)

We don’t usually serve M&M’s while doing ministry, but there are at least five little things that when left unattended can be red flags of danger. These red flags may signal imminent decline or even impending death of once thriving churches.

At the 2007 Summit, we actually did serve M&M's!

At the 2007 Summit, we actually DID serve M&M’s!

1. Dust and Clutter It happens so gradually that regular attenders become accustomed to it while guests cringe. It is especially distasteful when it happens in restrooms, foyer areas and kitchens. One solution to this might be a good spring cleaning day or fall workday with specific lists of areas to be cleaned and items to be stored properly.

2. Spelling Errors This used to be confined to the weekly bulletin that was hurriedly composed in preparation for Sunday. Word processors have eliminated many of those glaring errors while also introducing the new peril of a correctly spelled word that is the wrong one. (i.e. ‘the’ when ‘they’ was the intended word) Projection systems also introduce a new arena for error since song lyrics and announcements tend to be saved for future use. Unfortunately first time errors will not be corrected by merely saving the work for second time use. Two solutions here include having every printed piece read by at least two people and having someone make a list of projected errors so they can be corrected.

3. Inadequate Signage Even small buildings benefit from a few well-placed directional signs. Restrooms and nurseries should be easily located. Children’s areas, especially if the church invests in extended children’s worship/ministries, should be identified. A possible way to identify signage needs might be to ask a friend to visit the building for the first time and then report how easy or difficult it was to find needed areas based on the available signage.

4. Dated Color Schemes While some colors and décor remain classic others change with every generation.   Classic architecture and genuine antique furnishings never go out of style if properly maintained, while the pastels of the 70s and the heavy earthen tones of the 80s have been replaced by new preferences. Glaring fluorescent tubes may be easily replaced with fixtures that use even less energy while producing a more natural light. A solution to this issue might be to look back to when the church was last repainted or redecorated, and to determine a schedule of revisiting décor at least every 5-7 years.

5. Light Bulbs and Trash Cans While possibly an extension of dust and clutter this area warrants a separate listing. If light bulbs are burned out and trash cans are full urgent attention is required. In a recent visit to a church I almost asked where the janitor’s closet was located because I counted so many light fixtures that needed new bulbs! The only solution to this red flag is for someone to take the time to change the bulbs and empty the trash cans!

While this list may seem a little silly, or even inconsequential, it has been my experience that a church that does not give attention to these little things will not give attention to the big things of missions and evangelism and discipleship.

What little things have you noticed that, when left unattended, become major things? Click “Leave a Comment” at the top of this article to share your experiences with us.